Jokes from Minnesota
The Wireless Catalog
The Prairie Home Companion (Vol 1-4)
Minnesota Public Radio
I have picked out some jokes that I found humorous. Some are short, some are lengthy. All I think are enjoyable and worth a moment's time to read.
A chicken walks into the library and walks up to the librarian and says, "Book."
The librarian says, "You want a book?"
So the librarian gives the chicken a novel and off it goes. But an hour later the chicken comes back and says, "Book-book."
The librarian says, "Now you want two books?"
"So she gives the chicken two more novels and it leaves but it comes back later.
So the librarian gives the chicken three books, but she decides she'll follow the chicken and find out what's going on. The chicken goes down the alley, and out of town and towards the woods and into the woods and down to the river and down to the swamp and there is a bullfrog.
The chicken sets the books down by him and he looks at them and he says, "Reddit, Reddit, Reddit."
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's a hardware problem!
Did you hear that archeologists just recently identified the cause of the Dark Ages?
It was most definitely a Y1K problem!
The function of a computer expert is not to be right about more things; it is to be wrong for more sophisticated reasons.
Computers can never really replace humans. They may become capable of artificial intelligence but they will never master real stupidity.
How many IBM PC owners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one. But he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adapter card first which is extra.
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
If the black box survives a plane crash then why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. Now you know why they call it a workstation.
Where does satisfaction come from? Answer: A satisfactory.
What do they call one hundred John Deeres circling a McDonalds in Iowa? Prom Night!
What do you call the cabs lined up at the Dallas airport? - The Yellow Row of Taxis.
Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield.
Everybody is somebody elses' weirdo!
Teacher: Class, it's an interesting linguistic fact that in English, a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language in which a double positive can form a negative.
Student, "Yeah, right."
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? -- Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
Sven and Ole went out duck hunting and they worked at it for a couple of hours. Finally Sven says, "I wonder why aren't we getting any duck, Ole?"
Ole,"I don't know. I wonder if we're throwing the dog high enough."
Sven, "So Ole, I see you got a sign up that says Boat For Sale. But you don't own a boat. All you got is your old John Deere tractor and your combine.
Ole, "Yup, and they're boat for sale."
Ole was fishing with Sven in a rented boat. They could not catch a thing. Ole said, "Let's go a bit furder down stream." So they did and they caught many many monstrous fish. Since they had their limit, they went home. On the way home Sven said, "I marked da spot right in da middle of da boat, Ole."
Ole, "So tell me how you know we'll get da same boat next time?"
"I was in Mercy, Australia, and I was served tea made from the hair of a koala."
"Made from the hair of a koala? You're kidding! How was it?"
"Oh, it was awful. It was filled with koala hair."
"Well, you know, the koala tea of Mercy is not strained."
Recently a Frenchman in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out and past security, he was captured only two blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make Van Gogh."
a high school in Minnesota , a group of boy students played a prank. They let
three goats loose inside the school. But, before turning them loose, they
painted numbers on the sides of the goats: 1, 2 and 4.
School administrators spent the rest of the day looking for No. 3. And you thought there was nothing
to do in Minnesota!
Ole lived across the Minnesota river from Clarence, whom he didn't like at all. They were yelling across the river at each other all the time. Ole would yell at Clarence, "If I had a vay to cross dis river, I'd come ofer dere an beat you up good, yeah sure, ya betcha, by golly! "Clarence would yell back, "Ya don't scare me, ya old turd. I cud beatcha wit one hand behind me back, fer sure!"This went on for years.Finally, the state built a bridge across the river right there by their houses. Ole's wife, Lena, says, "Now iss yer chance, Ole. Vhy doncha go over dere and beat up dat Clarence like you said you vud?"Ole replied, "OK, by yimmy, I tink I vill do yust dat!"Ole started for the bridge, but he saw a sign on the bridge and stopped to read it, then turned around and came back did home. Lena asked, "Vhy you come back? "Ole said, " Lena, I tink I changed my mind 'bout beatin' up dat Clarence. You know, vhen I yell at him from across DA river, he don't look so big. But dey put a sign on DA bridge dat says "Clarence is 13 feet, 6 inches."