A senator is half horse, half man.

An optimist is a doctor who treats your eyes.

An epistle is the wife of an apostle.

The feminine of bachelor is lady-in-waiting.

The future of "I give" is "I take."

Momentum is what you give someone when they are going away.

Inflation is the material you put in your attic in the walls. It helps keep your house warm in winter.

Vacuum is where the pope lives.

The pleasures of childhood are great, but not compared to the pleasures of adultery.

The parts of speech are lungs and air.

An executive is the man who puts murderers to death.

An aviary is the place where aviators sleep.

Germinate: to become a naturalized German.

A monastery is where monsters live.

A diva is a swimming champion.

A tantrum is a bicycle for a man and his wife.

A fjord is a Scandinavian car.

Jigsaws are what the people of Japan ride in.

The Eastern part of Asia is called Euthanasia.

The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.

Most of the houses of France are made of plaster of Paris.

Climate lasts a long time while weather lasts a few days.

A virgin forest is where the hand of man has never set foot.

The climate is hottest next to the Creator.

Floods in the Mississippi may be prevented by putting big dames in the river.

And Sir Francis Drake said, "Let the Amanda wait. My bowels can't."

William Tell invented the telephone.

A gladiator is something that keeps a room warm.

Edward VI could not rule alone because he was a miner.

Louis XVI was gelatined.

Queen Victoria's death was the final event that ended her reign.

The Magna Carta proved that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offence.

After his divorce from Catherine of Aragon, Henry VII married Anne Boleyn and Archbishop Crammer consummated the marriage.

Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers.

Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept in the attic.

Music sung by two people at the same time is a duel.

Just about any animal skin can be stretched over a frame to make a pleasant sound once the animal is removed.

Most composers do not live until they are dead.

A molecule is so small that it can not be seen by the naked observer.

The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.

The pistol of a flower is it's only protection against insects.

The cuckoo doesn't lay it's own eggs.

When people run around and around in circles, we say they are crazy, when planets do it we say they are orbiting.

Wind is like air, only pushier.

Marie Curie did her research at the Sore Buns Institute in France.

To prevent conception when having intercourse, the male wears a condominium.

A vibration is a motion that cannot make up it's mind which way to go.

Blood flows down one leg and up another.

Clouds are high-flying fogs.

Rain is saved up in cloud banks.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

I'm not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it and that's the important thing.

When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.

In some rocks, you can find the fossil footprints of fish.