(Credit  reference located at https://www.brownielocks.com/bloopers.html)

    "The universe is a giant orgasm."  At the end of the student essay, the teacher wrote, "Your
    answer gives the new meaning to the Big Bang theory."

   Scientists are hypothetical people.

   Three types of rocks are ignacious, metaphoric and sedentary.

   In some rocks we find the fossil footprints of fishes.

   Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils while other preferred to be oil.

   All animals were here before mankind. The animals lived peacefully until mankind came
    came along and made roads, houses, hotels and condoms.
   
    Sir Isaac Newton invented gravity.


    The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.

   While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only
    centrificating.

    Galileo showed that the earth was round and not vice versa. He dropped his balls to prove
    gravity.

   Marie Curie did her research at the Sore Buns Institute in France.
    Next week we will experience the venereal equinox.

    Proteins are composed of a mean old acid.

   The largest mammals are to be found in the sea because there is nowhere else to put them.

   Involuntary muscles are not as willing as voluntary ones.

   Methane, a greenhouse gas, comes from the burning of trees and cows.

   Paraffin is the next order of angels above serrafin.

   The ozone level is breaking down more rapidly today because of all our aresoles.

   Water is melted steam.

    Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

   A monkey has a reprehensible tail.

   Some people say we condescended from apes.

   The leopard has black spots which look like round soars on its body. Those who catch
    soars get leprosy.

    A cuckoo does not lay its own eggs.
    Dinosaurs became extinct after the flood because they were too big to get into the ark.
    In spring the salmon swim upstream to spoon.
    C02 is lighter than air because leaves absorb it and they are on top of trees.
    To remove air from a flask, fill the flask with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in,
    quick.
    The three cavities of the body are the head cavity, the tooth cavity and the abominable
    cavity.
    The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the
    bottom.
    Most books say the sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into the sun in the
    daytime.
    Cadavers are dead bodies that have donated themselves to science. This procedure is
    called gross anatomy.
    The cause of dew is through the earth revolving on it's own axis and perspiring freely.
    Hot lather comes from volcanoes, and when it cools, it turns into rocks.
    A liter is a nest of young baby animals.

    The earth makes a resolution every 24 hours.

    Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them.

    Algebra was the wife of Euclid.

    A circle is a figure with no corners and only one side.

    A right angle is 90 degrees Farenhight.

    Genetics explains why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.

    A supersaturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

    In making water, it takes everything from H to O.

    Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.

    An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that gave a great deal of
    milk with a bull with good meat.
    The hydra gets its food by descending upon its prey and pushing it into its mouth with
    its testacles.
    If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.
    The formula for sea water is C H2O.

    Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

    When oxygen combines with anything, heat is given off. This is known as constipation.

    The hookworm larva enters the body through the soul.

    As the rain forests in the Amazon are shrinking, so are the Indians.

    A major discovery was made by Mary Leaky, who found a circle of rocks that broke wind.

    The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.

    You can listen to thunder after lightning, and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.

    The Dutch people used windmills to keep the plants from sweating.

    Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.

 HEALTH & HYGIENE  

    The union of the egg and sperm is called deception.

    Human beings share a need for food, shelter, and sex with lower animals.

    People who squeeze their spinster muscles too tight will get constipation.

    It is in the virginia that the period of gesticulation is passed.

    Women are reproducing too fast for mankind to keep up.

    How is a child's sex determined? The male carries it in his jeans.

    The safest sex is absence.

    On  date, a boy tries to show how masculine he is. On this point, a girl can help greatly.

    Teenage suicide is a problem because approximately 400,000 teenagers attempt to commit suicide and only 7,000 succeed.

    In medical studies, some subjects receive medicine while the rest re given placentas.

    After somebody dies, their body becomes rigorous.

DEFINITIONS

 Aorta: a man who makes long speeches.

Asexual: reproductions through a disinterested party.

Canal: a small stream of water made by man.

Circle: a line which meets it other end without ending.

Cloud: a high flying fog.

Equator: a managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.

Germinate: to become a naturalized German.

Geyser: a piece of floating ice that sometimes reaches a boiling point.

Magnet: something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

Migration: the headache birds get whey flying south.

Momentum: what you give a person when they are going away.

One horsepower: the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.

Planet: a body of earth surrounded by sky.

Quartz: the name for two pints.

Rabies: Jewish priests; must be treated with respect.

Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot.

Sound: a rapid series of osculations.

Thermometer: an instrument for raising temperance.

Vacuum: a large empty space where the Pope lives.

Volcano: a hole in the ground that gives off molt and lava.

 

To main BLOOPERS page.

 


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