Jokes from Minnesota

Compliments of
The Wireless Catalog

Courtesy of
The Prairie Home Companion (Vol 1-4)
Minnesota Public Radio

 

I have picked out some jokes that I found humorous. Some are short, some are lengthy. All I think are enjoyable and worth a moment's time to read.

 

A chicken walks into the library and walks up to the librarian and says, "Book."

The librarian says, "You want a book?"

"Book."

"Any book?"

"Book."

So the librarian gives the chicken a novel and off it goes. But an hour later the chicken comes back and says, "Book-book."

The librarian says, "Now you want two books?"

"Book-book."

"So she gives the chicken two more novels and it leaves but it comes back later.

"Book-book-book."

"Three books?"

"Book-book-book."

So the librarian gives the chicken three books, but she decides she'll follow the chicken and find out what's going on. The chicken goes down the alley, and out of town and towards the woods and into the woods and down to the river and down to the swamp and there is a bullfrog.

The chicken sets the books down by him and he looks at them and he says, "Reddit, Reddit, Reddit."

COMPUTER JOKES

 How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a hardware problem!

 

Did you hear that archeologists just recently identified the cause of the Dark Ages?

It was most definitely a Y1K problem!

 

 

The function of a computer expert is not to be right about more things; it is to be wrong for more sophisticated reasons.

 

Computers can never really replace humans. They may become capable of artificial intelligence but they will never master real stupidity.

 

How many IBM PC owners does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adapter card first which is extra.

 

Hmmm?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

 

If the black box survives a plane crash then why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?

 

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. Now you know why they call it a workstation.

 

Where does satisfaction come from? Answer: A satisfactory.

 

What do they call one hundred John Deeres circling a McDonalds in Iowa? Prom Night!

 

What do you call the cabs lined up at the Dallas airport? - The Yellow Row of Taxis.

Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield.

 

Everybody is somebody elses' weirdo!

Teacher: Class, it's an interesting linguistic fact that in English, a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language in which a double positive can form a negative.

Student, "Yeah, right."

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? -- Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.

Sven and Ole went out duck hunting and they worked at it for a couple of hours. Finally Sven says, "I wonder why aren't we getting any duck, Ole?"

Ole,"I don't know. I wonder if we're throwing the dog high enough."

Sven, "So Ole, I see you got a sign up that says Boat For Sale. But you don't own a boat. All you got is your old John Deere tractor and your combine.

Ole, "Yup, and they're boat for sale."

Ole was fishing with Sven in a rented boat. They could not catch a thing. Ole said, "Let's go a bit furder down stream." So they did and they caught many many monstrous fish. Since they had their limit, they went home. On the way home Sven said, "I marked da spot right in da middle of da boat, Ole."

Ole, "So tell me how you know we'll get da same boat next time?"

"I was in Mercy, Australia, and I was served tea made from the hair of a koala."

"Made from the hair of a koala? You're kidding! How was it?"

"Oh, it was awful. It was filled with koala hair."

"Well, you know, the koala tea of Mercy is not strained."

Recently a Frenchman in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out and past security, he was captured only two blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make Van Gogh."

 

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