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Brownielocks and The 3 Bears
present

The following are quotes from various people all about teachers, teaching, our educational system, school and students.  Since I own a lot of joke books,
and other humor reference books, I found many of the same quotes in several of them as I looked under the topic of "teaching" etc.  The publications range 30 years from book to book. 
 So for this page I'm not giving my sources because many quotes come from more than one book.

Knowledge exists to be imparted.
-Emerson

"The only educational aspect of television is that it puts the repair man's kids through college."
Joan Welsh

The teacher is one who makes two ideas grow here only one grew before.
- Elbert Hubbard

 

I care not what subject is taught, if only it be taught well.
- T.H.Huxley

 

I do not teach. I relate.
- Montaigne

Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world

Albert Einstein

When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble.
- Mark Twain

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

- Mark Twain

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice.
Then he made school boards.
- Mark Twain

Nothing grieves a child more than to study the wrong lesson and learn something he wasn't suppose to.
- E.C. McKenzie

Some student drink at the fountain of knowledge. 
Others just gargle.
- E.C. McKenzie

Education helps you earn more. But not many schoolteachers can prove it.
- E. C. McKenzie

Schoolteachers are not fully appreciated by parents until it rains all day Saturday.
- E. C. McKenzie

Sign on a High School bulletin board in Dallas:
Free every Monday through Friday--
knowledge. Bring your own containers.
- E. C. McKenzie

Education is wonderful - it helps you worry about things all over the world.
- Joey Adams

 

In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
- Henny Youngman

 

A good education is the next best thing to a pushy mother.
- Charles Shultz (Peanuts)

 

It is hard to convince a high school student that he will encounter a lot of problems more difficult than those of algebra and geometry.
- Edgar W. Howe

 

I was raised in a small town. It was so small that our school taught driver's education and sex education in the same car.
- Mary Sue Terry

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
- Gail Godwin

 

Education is simply the soul of a society as it passes from one generation to another.
- G. K. Chesteron

 

I'm not rushing into being in love.
I'm finding 4th Grade hard enough.
- Regina who is age 10.

Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife.
- Tommy, Age 5

When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was my kid for one day!"
- Milton Berle

It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids! 
- Milton Berle

One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students.  That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
- Milton Berle

The human brain is special.  It starts working as soon as you get up and it doesn't stop until you get to school.
- Milton Berle

For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
- Milton Berle

Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs---is that a promise or a threat?
- Milton Berle

Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.
- B.F. Skinner

Education will broaden a narrow mind, but there is no known cure for a big head.
- J. Graham

Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.
- Dan Quale

 

It is noble to teach oneself, but still nobler to teach others - and less trouble.
- Mark Twain

 

Teaching consists of equal parts perspiration, inspiration and resignation.
- Susan Ohanian

If you think education is expensive --- try ignorance!
- Derek Bok

 

My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
- Henny Youngman

 

Too often we give our children answers to remember rather than problems to solve.
- Roger Lewin

America's future walks through the doors of our schools each day.
- Mary Jean Le Tendre

I quit school in the 5th Grade because of pneumonia. Not because I had it, but because I couldn't spell it.
- Rocky Graziano

The object of teaching a child is to enable him to get along without his teacher.
- Elbert Hubbard

I forgot when I was taught. I only remember wheat I have learned.
- Patrick White

Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

A great teacher never strives to explain his vision.
He simply invites you to stand beside him and see for yourself.
- R. Inman

We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have done.
- Henry Woodsworth Longfellow

God forgive me for having thought it possible that a schoolmaster could be out and out a rational being.
- Sir Walter Scott

 

Education can get you the only thing that really matters in today's world---an assigned parking space.
- Gene Perret

The toughest thing about homework is getting mom and pop to agree on the same answer.
- Joey Adams

No wonder the teacher knows so much; she has the book.
- Edgar Watson Howe

I'd like to say a few words about one of the most popular concepts in the modern education---show and tell.
Show and Tell is a device created by grammar schools to communicate family secrets to 32 other families before 9:15 am in the morning.
- Robert Orben

You can get help from teachers, but you are going to have to learn a lot by yourself, sitting alone in a room.
- Theodore Geisel (aka Dr. Seuss)

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.
- Kurt Vonnegut

A Minneapolis, Minnesota high school teacher hung this sign under the clock in her classroom. "Time will pass...Will you?"
- James E. Myers

 

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
- Yogi Bera

 

I've always tried to be aware of what I say in my films, because all of us who make motion pictures are teachers -- teachers with very loud voices.
- George Lucas

A teacher is a person who used to think he liked children.
- Joey Adams

Teachers can change lives with just the right mix of chalk and challenges.
- Joyce A. Myers

 

One of the troubles of the day, observes Mr. C.N. Peac, is that once we came upon the little red schoolhouse, whereas now we come upon the little-read school boy.
- Bennet Cerf

The carefully fostered theory that schoolwork can be made easy and enjoyable breaks down as soon as anything, however trivial, has to be learned.
- Agnes Repplier

As the youngsters grow attached to their teachers and classmates...they can finally say goodbye to their mothers without reenacting the death scene from Camille.
- Sue Mittenthal

Teaching has ruined more American novelists thank drink.
- Gore Vidal

 

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
- Will Rogers

Academic vows:
Poverty, Bibliography, and Jargon.
- Leo Rosten

We need programs that will teach athletes how to spell "jump shot" rather than how to shoot it.
- Larry Hawkins

 

A good teacher has been defined as one who makes himself progressively unnecessary.
- Thomas J. Carruthers

What a teacher doesn't say...is a telling part of what a student hears.
- Maurice Natanson

A good teacher, like a good entertainer, first must hold his audience's attention. Then he can teach his lesson.
- Hendrik John Clarke

Sixty years ago I knew everything; now I know nothing; education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
- Will Durant

 

There must be such a thing as a child with average ability; but, you can't find a parent who will admit that it is his child.
- Thomas Bailey

Education is a wonderful thing. If you couldn't sign your name you'd have to pay cash.
- Rita Mae Brown

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such a thing as algebra.
- Fran Leibowitz

The mediocre teacher tells.
The good teacher explains.
The superior teacher demonstrates.
The great teacher inspires.
- William Arthur Ward

Education is...hanging around until you've caught on.
- Robert Frost

A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D. or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.
Fats Domino

 

A 5 yr. old's definition of nursery school:
"A place where they teach children who hit, not to hit,
and children who don't hit, to hit back."
- James E. Myers

I'm never going to be a movie star. But then, in all probability, Liz Taylor is never going to teach First and Second Grade.
- Mary J. Wilson

Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers.
- Tennyson

Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open.
- Thomas Dewar

Wisdom is one treasure that no thief can touch.
- Japanese Proverb

The eggs do not teach the hen.
- Russian Proverb

Children have more need of models than of critics.
- Joubert

Education to be successful, must not only inform but inspire.
- T. Sharper Knowlson

A smart mother suggests that her child bring an apple to his teacher; a smarter mother suggests that he bring a couple of aspirins.
- Evan Esar

The secret of teaching is to appear to have known all your life what you learned this afternoon.
- Anonymous

Puberty is the period when students stop asking questions and begin to question answers.
- Anonymous

There is no crisis to which academics will not respond with a seminar.
- Anonymous

 

There is only one thing that costs more than education today,
the lack of it.
- Anonymous

 

If the cost of education continues to rise, education will become as expensive as ignorance.
- Phi Delta Kappan

The more whimsical and cantankerous a teacher's grading system, the less the chance of her being replaced by an Apple II computer.
- Art Peterson

More people than ever before are graduated, but
not educated.
- Robert Gunderson

Good teachers cost a lot; but, poor teachers cost a lot more.
- Evan Esar

A college degree and a teaching certificate define a person as a teacher; but, it takes hard work and dedication to be one.
- Paul McClure

"A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops."
--Henry Brooks Adams

Spoon feeding in the long run teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon.

E.M. Forster

You send a boy to school in order to make friends--the right sort.
 Virginia Woolf


"There is a brilliant child locked inside every student." 
 Marva Collins

"The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires."
--William Arthur Ward

"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"
John Mendosa.

"The art of teaching is the art of assisting discovery."
--Mark Van Doren

"Good teaching is one-forth preparation and three-fourths theatre." 
 Gail Godwin 

"Better than a thousand days of diligent study is one day with a great teacher."
--Japanese proverb

Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.
B.F. Skinner

"Information is the currency of democracy."
--Ralph Nader

"Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young."
--Henry Ford"

A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops."
Henry B. Adams

 

"In a completely rational society, the best of us would be teachers and the rest of us would have to settle for something less."
--Lee Iacocca

"Be all that you can be. Find your future--as a teacher."
--Madeline Fuchs Holzer

I was asked to memorize what I did not understand; and, my memory being so good, it refused to be insulted in that manner.
 Aleister Crowley

"Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire." 
 
William Butler Yeats

"The function of the child is to live his own life - not the life that his anxious parents think he should live."

A.S. Neil

"What sculpture is to a block of marble, education is to the soul."  
Joseph Addison

"I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed."
Bruce Lee.

"The only dumb question is the question you don't ask." 
 Paul MacCready


Education is hanging around until you've caught on.
Robert Frost

Education...has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.

Trevelyan

"You know you've read a good book when you turn the last page and feel a little as if you have lost a friend."  
Paul Sweeney

"An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex."
Edgar Wallace.

"An encyclopedia is a system for collecting dust in alphabetical order."
Mike Barfield.

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up."
Phyllis Diller

"I hate quotations."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Educated men are as much superior to uneducated men as the living are to the dead."
Aristotle

"A teacher's day is one-half bureaucracy, one-half crisis, one-half monotony, and one-eightieth epiphany. Never mind the arithmetic."
Susan Ohanian

Nothing grieves a child more than to study the wrong lesson and learn something he wasn't supposed to."
E.C. McKenzie

"Some kids want to know why the teachers get paid when it's the kids who have to do all the work."

Milton Berle

"It is hard to convince a high school student that he will encounter a lot of problems more difficult than those of algebra and geometry."
Edgar W. Howe

"The true teacher defends his pupils against his own personal influence."
A.B. Alcott

"Education will broaden a narrow mind, but there is no known cure for a big head."
J. Graham

"The perfect method of learning is analogous to infection.
It enters and spreads."
Leo Stein

"I am teaching...It's kind of like having a love affair with a rhinoceros."
Anne Sexton

 

"I am always ready to learn although, 
I do not always like being taught."
Winston Churchill

"Schoolteachers are not fully appreciated by parents
until it rains all day Saturday."
E.C. McKenzie

"Don't despair of a student if he has one clear idea."
Nathanial Emmons

"It is important that students bring a certain ragamuffin, barefoot irreverence to their studies; they are not here to worship what is known, but to question it."
Jacob Bronowski

"Too often we give children answers to remember rather than problems to solve."
Roger Lewin

"America's future walks trough the doors of our schools each day."
Mary Jean Le Tendre

"The object of teaching a child is to enable him to get along without his teacher."
Elbert Hubbard

"I forget what I was taught.
I only remember what I have learned."
Patrick White

"Education: A succession of eye-openers each involving the repudiation of some previously held belief."
George Bernard Shaw

"A teacher should be sparing of his smile."
William Cowper

"Education is the period during which you are being instructed by somebody you do not know, about something you do not want to know."
G.K. Chesterton

 

"Much that passes for education...is not education at all but ritual.
The fact is that we are being educated when we know it least."
David P. Gardner

"Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects."
Will Rogers

"A teacher's constant task is to take a roomful of live wires and see to it that they're grounded."
E.C. Mckenzie

 

"A good teacher has been defined as one who makes himself progressively unnecessary."
Thomas J. Carruthers

"The aim of education should be to teach the child to think, 
not what to think."
John Dewey

"What a teacher doesn't say...is a telling part of what a student  hears."
Maurice Natanson

 

"Teaching is not a lost art, but the regard for it is a lost tradition."
Jacques Barzun

"There must be such a thing as a child with average ability; 
But, you can't find a parent who will admit that it is his child."
Thomas Bailey

"If we succeed in giving the love of learning,
the learning itself is sure to follow."
Sir John Lubbock

"Education can not be conferred.
Whether in school or out, learning is a do-it-yourself proposition."
Wheeler McMillen

"Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason why so few engage in it."
Henry Ford

"Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open."
Thomas Dewar

"Wisdom is one treasure that no thief can touch."
Japanese Proverb

"Children have more need of models, than of critics."
Joubert

"Good teachers never say anything. What they do is create the conditions under which learning takes place."
S.I. Hayakawa

"Education, to be successful, must not only inform, but inspire."
T. Sharper Knowlson

 

"Experience is a great teacher, and sometimes a pretty teacher is a great experience."
Evan Esar

 

"It is not the IQ but the I WILL that is most important in education."
Anonymous

"If the cost of education continues to rise, education will become as expensive as ignorance."
Phi Delta Kappan

"Encourage spontaneity...by regularly scheduling creative activities."
Art Peterson

"Inside every C+ student is a B- student trying to get out."
Art Peterson

"Back in the old days, it was the student rather than the teacher who had to explain why they could not read."
Cy N. Peace

"Knowledge is like money. If you keep quiet about it, people will think you've got more than you have."
Anonymous

"Education makes people easy to lead but difficult to drive; 
easy to govern, but impossible to enslave."
Lord Brougham

"To teach is to learn twice over."
Joseph Joubert

"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first,
the lesson afterward."
Vernon Law

"Books are not men and yet they are alive.
They are man's memory and his aspiration,
the link between his present and his past,
the tools he builds with."
Stephen V. Benet

"A college degree and a teaching certificate define a person
as a teacher, but it takes hard work and dedication to be one."
Paul McClure

 

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